His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
