I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need a beard to bite.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
