At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
