White coat. Heels.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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