Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this boner is exhausting
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
