so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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