its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
