Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
