I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I made him laugh his dick is mine
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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