we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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