just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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