Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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