The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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