They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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