After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
