Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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