Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
