how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We are two peas in an std pod
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
