why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
