i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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