he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
