Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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