i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
