Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
