If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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