i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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