it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
