Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
