You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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