Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
