Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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