Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
