I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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