i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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