it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
