Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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