I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
