Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
