i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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