i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
