She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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