we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
