What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
