but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
