Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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