When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
