I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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