They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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