u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
