i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
