i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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