we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
