I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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