There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
