Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
