so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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