The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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