I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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