I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't turn off my feet"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
