Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
