hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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